waiting

I'm not good at waiting. I used to think I was not bad, but I'm terrible with patience.

The last few weeks have felt like only waiting. Waiting to hear about our future, waiting for Wyatt to have a better schedule, waiting, waiting. And stewing and being irritable. And waiting. And whining. And whining and complaining. Still waiting.

Wait... is life for waiting? This was the last week that I met with a group of moms this summer and read "The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers" I needed this chapter at this time: Hope. I had no hope, only waiting for less terrible things to happen. No hope of a good future, no hope in my Savior. I felt ashamed reading about the value of Hope. Where had any glimmer of this been in my life? How had I let hopelessness take the place of my stress? Letting go doesn't mean slipping away.

I could come up with a lot of excuses as to why I have been so stupid and selfish the last few months. What is comes down to is this course will ruin me. Literally ruin my life. I'm loving being a mom but I let that hide so easily and put the little things in front. Who cares where we live. I truly have peace about it. God knows. He has a great plan. Not an easy plan. Not a convenient plan. A great plan and HOPE. I have to wait for his timing, but I can wait in hope.

So, I'll revel in being with my parents this week. I'll laugh at Wyatt's silly antics. I'll even give Cory a hug when he gets home instead of trying to get more done. I'll put it all in God's hands and wait expectantly knowing I'm right where I should be.

And I'll wait for my homemade bread ready in a few minutes! A new breadmaker has been a highlight this week. Thanks, Mom! (and whoever donated it to the Salvation Army!)