Sleep

Last night as I was attempting to drift off, I found myself contemplating sleep. So often it's a given, a necessity, and I don't put much more thought to it. As a new mom, I've found it's a much more prominent need in my life. Looking back, sleep colors my life in ways I never realized. Rest, or lack thereof, determines my perspective of almost everything. Without enough sleep, little issues become huge arguments, past hurts are reopened, and on and on. Why do we ignore the importance of those precious hours of sleep until it's too late?

At this point, I don't have much of a choice except to lose some sleep. I do have a choice to make what sleep I can a priority. Sometimes it feels counterintuitive to give up time with Cory for sleep. However, I think he's much more thankful for a wife that doesn't snap when things aren't perfect. And with a newborn, things around here aren't too close to perfect. When I'm rested, I love having a baby and dealing with the other junk. When I'm tired, I don't think I can do it.

Lack of sleep is an open door for temptation for me. More than anything, I use being tired as an excuse for any of my selfishness. It's not. Obviously, it's much easier to choose what I want when I'm exhausted, but that only points out my immaturity. I see the same behavior in our two month old! When he's tired, he's cranky and he isn't satisfied until he gets what he wants. As a baby, I can deal with that. As a kid growing up, that's not going to cut it forever. And it doesn't cut it for me. I know better.

As I become more aware of my sleep choices, I have to also pay attention to how it affects other people. From my own experience, repeatedly being ignored when someone else chooses to sleep at odd hours makes you feel like dirt. On the other hand, being chosen instead of sleep at night makes you feel pretty special. It's all a balancing act.

It's amazing how much I realized had to do with sleep as I couldn't fall asleep, but Wyatt is waking up so that's all I have to say for now :)